Beans

What are we losing? As many of us try to cope with the fallout from COVID 19, and I say many of us, because there is still a portion of the American public that thinks there’s nothing wrong right now, we have to ask ourselves what are we missing? What have we lost and what are we still losing? I think about where I am in my life, and luckily I have been minimally affected. Sure, my job has changed, and I have been asked to do things differently in my everyday, but I can still do many things that I would be doing ordinarily. Generally I operate on a steady diet of alone time, which, as an introvert, is fine with me. I didn’t go out very often beforehand, so that is not a big deal, and I feed off of things that are readily accessible, Twitter, MSNBC, North Woods Law, and my history books. I try not to need other people, because I generally don’t. But what I am losing is the time with my family. My mom is getting older, and I can’t spend any time with her. My nephew is getting older, and I can’t spend any time with him. We lose that subtle smirk and the side eye, the shared enjoyment of taking in the sea and ships and perhaps some fried clams afterward. Our relationships exist over the phone or with Zoom, and while that fills in some of the gaps, it doesn’t replace the times sitting out on the porch at dusk, taking in the sweet summer air and the delicate light. The uncertainty of knowing when we can spend time together again is heavy. Watching this administration flounder and flail makes it worse. Nobody is doing anything. We rely on our local and state governments and public health officials to try to keep things under control, because the federal government is at the very least derelict in its duty. As if it is intentionally failing and killing people.

Our children have lost spring seasons and graduations, first dates and first kisses, sleepovers and birthday parties. Our parents have lost anniversary parties and loved ones, time spent with family in the last days and even the last moments of their lives. The pain of these lost moments is heart wrenching. And we ask why? As we look forward to where we are going, there is even more uncertainty. Will kids go back to school, how will they go back to school? Will teachers even want to go back to school knowing they will be at risk if they are actually in a physical classroom? We’ve lost sports seasons and title runs, rookie seasons and retirements. We’ve lost jobs that rely on close contact in theaters and restaurants and wedding venues. We are cutting our economy down to the bare bones. For what?